I am a mum, a mom, a single mum, I am single mumming it.
I am the adult. I am the adultiest adult in our house.
If look for an adultier adult, it dawns on me that I need look no further than the person standing in my shoes.
I work for a living outside the home. It is how I stay sane with adult conversation and company, and how I keep the lights on and the tummies fed.
It is a humble job, it’s long hours, it’s not paid particularly well, but well enough that we have most of what we need and some of what we want.
We are doing great, knock on wood, fingers crossed.
Although it is tiring, with a big knock on wood, it is sometimes easy peasy.
There are some things I would like to point out at this juncture.
- It is a happy life. I wouldn’t trade it for anything mediocre.
- I am busier than you if you are in a 2 adult family. I don’t care how hard you work, how poorly you feel, how many kids you have or don’t have, how large the corporation is that you head up as the CEO, how hard it was to broker that Peace Treaty ratified by the UN which brought about world peace, I am busier than you.
- There is no wiggle time to goof off. Everything, even the fun times, must have a purpose. Every car ride is an opportunity to check in with my teen or sing with her. Every dinner at the table is an opportunity to listen to the music and watch the YouTube she’s listening to and hear about how school was. Every visit with family in another city is to foster bonds between my teen and them in case I died. Every visit to the theatre is to encourage art appreciation and creativity. Every church activity is to help her recognise the things she needs to recognise so that she can forge through life with courage.
- I have an enormous responsibility to drive safely and get home every evening; it is at the fore of my mind daily.
- The list of things to do to keep the house and us ticking with a roof, power, water, heat, wi-fi, clean clothes, homework done, the place tidy enough and enough interaction with others that we stay sane is almost endless. If I sit down, I know there is something else I could or should be doing.
- If I am leaving my kiddo with someone so I can go to a function, we need to get it done and I need to get home.
- Friends are cherished. Good friends are people for whom I would jump through a hoop of fire. Just the one, though!
- I love hearing your triumphs and problems. If we can be laughing hard at life, that is a joyful moment for me.
- I like helping out with your kids if I can fit it in and I’ll do all in my power to fit it in. As a firm believer in “it takes a village to raise a child” I am happy to put in the love and the time to be there for your kids as you have been there for mine.
- My resources, physically and financially, are very finite. They run out quickly. If I am taking your child to an event when there are two of you adults in your house, I judge you, harshly.
- There are a few things which pique my interest but nothing about which I am obsessed. I like seeing you folks go nuts over stuff but I just don’t get it.
- My favourite thing is seeing anything done well. Anything. Reversing that truck around a corner first time, erecting scaffolding, thatching a cottage roof, surfing with panache, stitching that dress, a great presentation to a room full of strangers, making food that looks like art, even making food that’s not burned, I stand in awe.
It’s not a competition, but if it were then I’d no doubt win!
I have all my stuff together (knock on wood – we do a lot of that around here) and I might make this look less hard than it actually is because you become accustomed to your lot in life and knock on wood things are going ok right now.
I actually find life quite absurd and funny.
I appreciate that your life is taxing too, I can empathise.
However, don’t tell me you know how I feel because your husband went on a boy’s weekend last year and it was hell, don’t get in the way of me getting back to my family, and if I’m looking worn out don’t tell me I look like hell because chances are I lost precious sleep trying to raise my kiddo or help another person raise their kids too.
I’ve got this covered. We are totally rocking this life we chose, or which chose us, whatever! If there is hope on the horizon for you, a little partnering up with a spouse, even if you have to wait to the weekend, it is not the same, it will never be the same, there is no sameness, don’t pretend it is the same. There is nobody coming my way to take any of the load off, even for 10 minutes. I am the line, the buck stops here, I am the only one who’s got this in my life.
In the mean time, I’ll continue to tell awful pun based jokes and continue to wrestle the kid to the sofa to get the remote control… There’s a lot of fun to be had.