So, in the eternal quest to become unmarried and fairly divide our family assets despite opposition from the other party involved, we now have a court date for early December.
Mr Pollyanna wants to be divorced but doesn’t want to share our sweets.
I never wanted to get to the point where a divorce was required but now I want to be divorced and share our sweets.
There’s an impasse.
What happens next is that we sit down in court and try very nicely not to throw objects at each other or do Mafia sign language across the table or allude to “sleeping with da fishes” to my Barrister or yelling “I Want All The Sweets” (all him, not me!)
Sitting down in court and facing someone who gleefully and violently wronged you and your loved one yet remains unrepentant is not my first choice of things to do on a Monday.
It is a must if we are to finalise this process.
I take the process very seriously but try to add a little mental levity to take the pressure off every now and again.
I may walk away with a bag of crisps and a slap on the butt or I may walk away with the lions share, we don’t know at this point.
Threats and intimidation don’t work on me, neither does a plea of “self-imposed and going through a divorce my ex-wife is a witch” poverty. How very cliché and obvious! Darling, you could do better than that, surely?
I’m not impatient for this process to be finished, it’ll happen when it happens.
If we cannot reach an agreement in December, the next phase is to have a new and impartial judge read the case and make a decision on our behalf. That’s expensive but I have cash in the divorce pot to book that if the scheduled court date fails to achieve an outcome we can both live with so there is no anxiety there. That’d probably schedule for February.
When the judge decides and it all is binding, I’ll release the Decree Nisi (which was stopped from progressing by a judge 15 months ago at my request because Mr Pollyanna wasn’t playing ball) and within two months I’ll receive the Decree Absolute.
So, perhaps by April I’ll be free and have my own affordable, mortgaged to me alone home from which as I keep up repayments, nobody will ever be able to make me homeless again. Exciting times.