If somebody is Elected, does that person have a right to make decisions?

This is the man who was lawfully elected by millions of people and is keeping his promises. Should we really be surprised?

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Do we really believe that the recently elected President of the USA is akin to Hitler?  Do we believe he must be opposed at every step?

It is the right of a nation to secure their borders.  It is the right of a nation to determine who can live there so long as it in keeping with the letter and spirit of International Law including the Geneva Convention.  It is the right of a country to decide how to spend their money for the benefit of the people.  It is the right of a nation to cease positively collaborating with other first world nations.

There are worrying events happening.  People with vile world views are being promoted to positions of power when they really ought to be on shock radio in some backwater town, and they are replacing experienced and calm leaders who are experts in their field.  Nominees for Education cannot tweet in a grammatically correct format and do not know the difference between Federal Law and the responsibility of the individual State, while also not regarding the access to education for disabled children to be a matter worth understanding ahead of taking on the role.  Daughters who run multi-million dollar empires in their own name are required to become housewives and give up their autonomy so that Daddy can do his thing and hire their inexperienced husband but the sons are not required to give up their business interests.  Bans on people from places that follow a particular religion are restricted from entering America.  The adoption of the new policy is shambolic and designed to fill people with anxiety and dread.

But, this is the man who was lawfully elected.  There was a peaceful transition of power.

Many millions of people decided to disregard his tax evasion and avoidance, his complete disregard of demonstrating that his business and that of his friends are not the primary focus in decision making, people chose to ignore the grotesque comments about women, they chose to ignore his philandering and his giggling about inappropriate loitering around the changing rooms at beauty pageants he bought even though some of the contestants were naked and barely over 16 years old, they chose to ignore his history of aggression toward his former wife, they chose to ignore that he frequently defaulted on paying contractors for work done, they disregarded that it is immensely difficult to have him speak without a falsehood contained therein and that he has no concept of waiting his turn to speak.

He was elected on promises that he is now keeping.  Closing borders, building very expensive walls, attempting to undermine the press reporting of his actions, opening pipelines across land which is geologically fragile and important to the indigenous population, dismantling hard won equality legislation, restricting access to any healthcare for millions with nothing yet to put in its place, restricting access to female healthcare even though Federal Dollars have not been allocated toward abortions since the 1970’s.

Actions apparently based on a Moral Code are more akin to the dismemberment of the Separation of Church and State.

Millions of people agreed with his ideas and policies enough to cast their ballot for him.

So, in keeping people distracted on matters which are still important, people are being deflected from paying attention to his lack of experience and lack of understanding regarding being accountable to any kind of law.  Perhaps this is the first time that the President is being held accountable to the law by people more determined and talented than him.

What does opposition to his published agenda and visible action achieve?

It causes the President to become flustered and angry.  It causes him to pay attention whether he wants to or not on how many people are willing to show up and say not in my name.  He would never be able to legitimately claim in all honesty that he ever thought his decisions were in harmony with the mind of all the American people.

Millions voted for him, few are expressing their unwavering support for his ideas, policies and actions.  Few are saying “I believe in this too”.  Perhaps they need to make themselves heard.

Civil disobedience has been a tool of the people for decades.  In the 1960’s it brought about desegregation in the USA, in the 1960’s and 1970’s in the UK people campaigned for equal rights and safety in the workplace even at the expense of profit margins, in the 1980’s in the UK it brought about changes to the law regarding taxation.  It does bring about positive change.

The current expressions of opposition to a lawfully elected President will likely protect hard won and hard fought rights that people already have.  This is a first.  For people to actively join with other groups to protect what they or another group have rather than fight for what they don’t.  Agitating against the reversal of rights and privileges rather than trying to secure them in the first place.

People chose this President.  Should we be surprised at his choices?  Even if we don’t like the choices, should he be allowed to make them?

Feeling Mighty and Fragile at the same time

Ok, so, if I don’t link this post to FB, you know, where people have met me before, I can get something off my chest (but I might).

Ok, so, if I don’t link this post to Facebook, you know, where people have met me before, I can get something off my chest.

Between you and me, I am losing patience and getting cross and feeling mighty and feeling fragile all at once.  I don’t know how it is possible to hold so many persona’s in one mind simultaneously but it appears to be happening.  It is making me feel like a flight-risk and wanting to run away.  I need to work through this so you are going to cop it.  Get a cuppa, sit down and just nod like you’re listening.

I am starting to feel agitated again when post arrives at my house, because brown envelopes are invariably not great news or are demanding new information on a short timeframe regarding some personal matters. Last time I supplied information in plenty of time, they decided that they’d change the due date after the fact (they really do that stuff) and cancelled the contract anyway!  It is constant.  It is supposed to be once a year for a renewal of information but with government changes it is something required of me now every couple of weeks and the stakes are so high that I get agitated and cross and anxious.  I feel so sorry for people who are not “Corporate Competent” or business savvy… I find it hard enough dealing with these people with 20 years of contracts and negotiations experience behind me.  How do other people manage without that experience?  No wonder the general public sound so het up when talking about these things.

Next, Mr P appears to be delaying the mortgage house valuation which means to me that each day I wake up and think “what a flipping drag and inconvenience, is today the day it all gets signed off and we can move forward with contracts and conveyancing?”.  Every. Single. Day.  I am reminded that I am waiting on someone else to comply.  It has been two months.  We only have 2 months left to the court mandated date.  I am not allowed to become outwardly agitated, fine.  Doesn’t stop the feelings.

Next, today the rent just went up and I have to sign a 6 month contract for the house we’re living in, and the drawing up of the contract has a fee attached too.  The reasoning was “Because Mortgage rates are sky high at the moment”… erm, no, no they are not, they’ve never been lower, this is greed, do not lie to me you incompetent oaf. The agent tried for 12% rent increase.  I agreed to 8%.  It blows monkey chunks.  “Monkey chunks” to me conjures up images of banana filled ape vomit. The worst kind of imaginary vomit.

When I sleep, I’m having bad dreams.  Not nightmares that are scary, just bad dreams and awake feeling less rested than when I went to bed.  I haven’t made my bed since I last changed the sheets.  I just cannot be bothered.  It seems futile.  It is getting to the point where the only time the bed is made is when the sheets are changed.  Luckily that is frequently.

So, I would benefit from the government not being a pig faced demanding and uncompassionate monolith, I could do with my Landlord not gouging rents for an ok but not fancy house, I could do with getting some restful sleep, I could do with people making and keeping their appointments to keep a legal process moving onward, I could do with my new spectacles not pinching the bridge of my nose, I could do with my kiddo putting the dishes away on day 1 not day 4 after 3 days of reminders and not when she flipping well feels like it, I could do with my fringe being a little shorter, I could do with my car being washed and vacuumed and that little rust spot on the hatchback door being taken care of, I could do with having less stuff to pack and move, I could do with a moving date, I could do with people keeping their commitments, I could do with not having an “I could do with” list.

In the mean time, I will wear the dress to work and the red lipstick, be CDOF (shipping term for clean, dry and odour free) and brush my hair.  I will smile at people, I will laugh with people, I will fill in the latest batches of Government forms, I will follow up with the mortgage company again, I will pack all crockery except two place settings and two cutlery settings and two cups to alleviate the need for the argument, I will buy two nice pillows and throw away the rest which have gone flat and are giving me neck ache.  I will eat something with vitamins and not my go-to carb-fest.  I will visit with the lovely sisters I am assigned to.  I will receive guests graciously. I will attend Sunday services.

So, I can control the paperwork and my self-care.  The mortgage, I can nudge but I have no control over that so I’ll have to relinquish the agitation attached to the tardiness.  The rent, well, they’re a business and I am grateful that all being well and knock on wood, I won’t be subject to their whims for very much longer.  8% is a lot of money to find, and it would go up again next year and the year after.  That’s lots of percents.  If you are a mortgage payer, imagine if your mortgage went up 8-12% every year.  Not funny, eh.

The world would run much better if people just did what I said.  You’d thank me for it.  I’d say, “Mortgage company, do the valuation please” and it’d get done, and “Government, stop hounding vulnerable members of society for information you already have, you bullies” and they’d comply, and “Child, put the dishes away now” and poof, dishes in the cupboard, and “Colleague, if you keep smacking your lips while you eat, you’ll be eating through medical intervention once I’m done with you” and poof, no more lip smacking.  No nagging, no revisiting, no repeat demands.  It’d be great.  You’d love it.  You’d have tonnes of free time because you wouldn’t be procrastinating or revisiting tasks.  You could take up hobbies and interests.  You could see your friends more often or less often as you desire permits.  It’d be great.  Just do the task first time please and save someone else losing their mind with “I want to beast you so hard right now, really, and if I start I doubt I’d ever in mortality stop”-ness.  It’s better for us all.

For me, feeling fragile is actually unexpressed anger.  A helplessness.  A helplessness because I perceive if I let this beast loose there will be no putting it back in the kennel and people’s feelings would get hurt. But I am not helpless, things just aren’t running to my preferred timetable right now.  As Babe Ruth is reported to have said “You just can’t beat the person who never gives up”.  Among the fragility and anger is tenacity.  Ask my mum why my name around the family is Weeble for the background on that one.

Today I nearly gave up, and then I remembered who I was and heaven help anyone who stands in my way now.

Thanks for listening to my ramblings while I worked through this.  It really was on the hoof.  Top to bottom, no stopping.  Better out than in.  I feel better now.  Don’t forget to wash up your imaginary coffee cup before you go. Have a good one, folks. x

 

 

 

 

 

Spinning and flappy skirts

When I was a kid I would spin around. I would spin a lot. The act of spinning was gleeful and frightening. Gyroscopic pressure on the body as I turned alleviated the emotional and physical pressure I felt.  I would spin to feel centrifugal forces working on my body, I would spin to see if I was wearing my flappy skirt today, I would spin to see if my shoes stayed on a or if there was something nearby to bump in to. Spinning was gleeful.  The goal was to spin so much I fell down. Failure, in effect was my goal. Get so disoriented and dizzy that my legs could no longer support me. Failure was an opportunity try to regroup in a crumpled heap on the floor, enjoy what just happened and decide if I would start over and do it again. Was I satisfied? Had I spun enough? Did I have more spins in me? Had I failed spectacularly enough yet? Failure and starting over was success. I don’t remember when I last considered that failure was to be embraced and considered a success and opportunity to start over. Perhaps I should give spinning a try again, reframe my fears? I am off to find the flappiest skirt in my wardrobe. 

Mr Pollyanna, the nice things

Not everything’s bad, right! Mr Pollyanna had some ok qualities and perspective is balance.

It is easy during a divorce to get caught up in the demonising of other parties concerned. While Mr Pollyanna would make that sooooo easy to do, I have purposely and purposefully tried my best to keep some perspective on this whole situation. I have tried, daily and sometimes hourly, to see things from another’s point of view, even if I disagree wholeheartedly. It is easier to live as peacefully a life as possible if you can view the world from another’s perspective and gain insight in to why they do what they do. It is not for them, it is for you.

So, with that in mind, and keeping in mind that we have documented and provable reason to be cautious of that rat faced stinking manipulative dangerous violent two bit pigtail of a soon to be ex-husband (I have feelings, so sue me!), I’ve decided to share some of his good points.

  1. He is father to my daughter, and she is a bright shining light in my life.
  2. When he heard he was to be a dad, he celebrated. He was at work and he danced right where he stood.
  3. He is in my opinion quite handsome.
  4. He presents himself as quite dignified.
  5. He is muscly in a slim build athletic frame.
  6. I liked his little pot belly.
  7. He has a nice full length coat.
  8. He has sometimes been kind and gentle.
  9. He got me into Star Trek New Generation and all things Sci-Fi.
  10. He’s ok at DIY.
  11. He can be quite sociable when he wants to be.
  12. He liked to talk and make people laugh.
  13. He only cheated on our relationship once to my knowledge.
  14. Like Achilles from Enders Shadow, he let me see his feelings and I was so careful with them.
  15. His parents are lovely and their opinion is important to him.
  16. When we met, I was 19 and he was quite easy to be around.
  17. He wasn’t a big drinker, we didn’t have noisy arguments.
  18. He wrote to me when I was serving as a missionary.
  19. He fixed my car once.
  20. He’s tall.

So, for his future partners, if you are ok with living with someone who has his history and likely his repeated-history future, he has a couple of nice things going for him. Good luck.

Very few people walk in to a relationship hoping for it to fail and to make the other person miserable.  Momma didn’t raise no fool.  Situations evolve and develop over the years and you do the best you can with what you have to hand.

However, I stand by my position that “It is never too soon and almost never too late to walk away”.  Women need their own income for emotional and spiritual freedom… but that’s another post.

Hopefully in years to come Mr Pollyanna will be able to mentally compile his own “there were good things” list.  I’ll never get to see it or hear of it but that’s ok.  I know I was a great spouse who loved their other half wholeheartedly and with nothing left in reserve.  I don’t need another person to quantify or qualify what I know to be true.  I hope Mr Pollyanna gets to a place where the past is not repeatable and that he finds peace.  I also hope he stays the heck away from us while he’s still angry, but that’s another matter.

Have a good one, folks. x

 

Patriarchal Blessing.

Patriarchal blessings are so helpful, who’d of thunk it?

Decades ago I received a Patriarchal Blessing by George Vousden of the Romford Stake.  A lovely chap.  A Patriarchal Blessing is a nice thing, literally a blessing from a Patriarch.  It is written down and posted to you afterward as a reminder of the day and for you to review periodically.

Today I was reading the blog by Middle Aged Mormon Man (http://middleagedmormonman.com/home/2017/01/monovision-of-the-heart/) who encouraged us to review our Patriarchal Blessing, so I did.  I don’t normally do what people ask but today I did.

Recently I have been dwelling on why although I perceive myself to be a serious person living a serious life and although almost always feeling peaceful not always feeling actively happy, I appear to have gained a reputation for cheerfulness and optimism even when things are rough.  I had been thinking about the possibility of “toning it down a bit”, trying out the Managerial Head Nod And Smile rather than laughing.

I like meeting new folks, I love getting to know them, who they are, how they tick but I was thinking of trying out a toned down expression of introducing myself to new folks at church perhaps.  Maybe down to a greet and handshake and move on.  I was feeling a little pressure to fit in and be like other people.

There’s no flippancy with peoples feelings or thoughts.  I find myself wanting to sincerely know how people are doing in themselves.  Then if opportunity presents, try to gee them along a little toward happiness if they are on the fence and could go either way.  Laughter releases endorphins and everything seems a little easier after a moment of levity with trusted associates.  Also, if people are in an emotional place where they cannot bring themselves to see the light side of life and laugh, it is a signpost to pay more attention.

Like many tender hearted people, there have been rough experiences which have shaped my thoughts and behaviour, and have come out the other side and never want another person to feel alone in despair.  I had great people.  I had to endure my experiences myself and couldn’t pass that off to another person to do for me, but each time I looked up all I saw was friendship and love so I learned to look up often.

Lightheartedness and cheerfulness make people look up.  Have you ever noticed that? They actually stop to look at you, initiating and holding eye contact, to see if you are serious and often match you cheerful moment for cheerful moment which magnifies the experience beautifully.

Then today as I read,  I noticed in the Patriarchal Blessing a tiny snippet of a phrase about how I responded when I received great news a very long time ago.  Apparently I was “among the hosts who accepted this great plan and rejoiced exceedingly”.

Transpires that I have always rejoiced, and my rejoicing has been exceedingly rejoice-ful!  It has apparently always been this way.  It is part of the make up of my personality, important enough for a Patriarch to comment and to have it written down and send it to me in the post even though on the day I was a little overwhelmed and mute.

I read a meme, love them or loathe them they’re here to stay for a while, which said that our sorrows carve a space in our soul to be filled with joy if we let them.  That’s how it feels and after the fact it is quite lovely.  During the fact it was all rather rubbish and horrid but after the fact it can be turned into a good thing in hindsight if you pay attention and put in the hours.

So, while I continue to chuckle with friends content in the knowledge that it probably isn’t going to be a personality trait which changes any time soon, please feel free to re-read your Patriarchal Blessing if you feel moved to if you are or ever were LDS, or feel free to ask a Mormon any of those nagging questions you have if you are not.  Trust me, they like being asked questions.  You’re not imposing at all.

 

 

Straight woman in “comfortable shoes”

I wear comfortable shoes but fancy fella’s… it is a mismatch.

I like wearing comfortable shoes.  There, I said it!

I like wearing cargo shorts and t shirts and carrying a bookbag.

I prefer not to wear makeup, although do wear makeup for work, church and gatherings.

I scrub up well.

I am not slinky, I can’t get away with looking “cute” in my preferred outfits.

I haven’t looked cute since I was 4 years old.

I support liberal agenda’s on equality and have a right wing work ethic.

I have a sunny disposition with a serious foundation.

I choose to date fellas because I fancy fellas.

I am clear on who I fancy and who I don’t.

I don’t mind who other folks fancy in a consenting fashion.

However, how I prefer to dress throws a spanner in the works with regard to dating.

I look great in a dress, hubba hubba great.

I have no aversion to being ladylike.

My personal preference isn’t ladylike.

In mid-May I’ll be out of the excuse of still technically being married, the decree absolute will be through, I’ll be single again and won’t be able to use the instruction from my religion (don’t date until you are completely single, not during the divorce process) won’t be a shield anymore.

I don’t want to attract metalheads or lifestyle-out-of-workers.

So, I’m either inauthentic and get all gussied up or authentic and don’t date the people I like.

I have no solution to this quandary.

If you do, please feel free to share.

 

Bulb Shoots and Weeds

Gardening for a novice and a couple of life lessons. Learning what to keep and what to chuck.

In October I decided to plant flower bulbs in the somewhat large flower container in the front garden.  I figured I ought to live where I live and put up a picture or two and put something pretty in the ground for springtime, even if the house was a temporary-ish home.  I tried nesting.

It was a nice clear, crisp October day.  The flower box required repainting and re-nailing back together so I did that because it belonged to someone else and I had a duty of care.  I bought a tray of mixed bulbs from the DIY store and went for it.  I sorted similar looking ones into groups and then tried to arranged them on the soil in an attractive layout before planting.

Two days ago on a dark January night as I reversed the car out of the driveway to go to Young Women’s, I noticed in the beam of the headlights that the large flower trough had new green shoots in an attractive formation.  They’ve sprouted!  It made me smile so widely that Missy asked what was up and I pointed and smiled wider.  She felt the little woosh of happiness too. There may have been a little high-five thing going on for a moment.

This lends my thoughts to two things: living and weeding.

Living:At the time of planting the bulbs, I was already hoping that we may be gone before Spring if things went well, and we may not get the benefit of our labour.  I was going to leave a little note for the next tenants letting them know about the bin days, the electricity supplier and that they had flowers due to spring up in the flower box.  I decided to live where I was.  To embrace being where we were.  To leave things better than we found them – which happens to be my life personal ethos by which I try to live.  The fact that I am seeing some of the benefit so soon is a little boost and blessing but that hadn’t been the intention.  I like it though.

Weeding:  Now that we have some good things going on in the flowerbox, it is a little harder to tell what will be a flower and what is a weed and needs to be pulled.  I think, with my lack of experience in this field, that a little wait and see before I start accidentally pulling up the good shoots is prudent… by their fruits ye shall know them and all that.  Sometimes when we don’t quite know how things are shaping up it is prudent to wait and while and see how things start to develop.  Weeding, for the unfamiliar, is no exception.

In the mean time, I shall be happy that the little green patch is blossoming and I’ll remember to be glad that I put the effort in months ahead of the result.