Currency is important, right? It allows us to purchase things or services. It gives us a sense of security that we have enough of it. Different places use different currency and it is important to know the distinctions.
I’ve been thinking about Energy being Currency and how that interacts with depression or obesity.
I’ve noticed that when depressed or tubby, it becomes essential to be to conserve energy, the physical internal resource, lest it become depleted and I die or some such. There is a perception that depleted energy reserves will be catastrophic and calamitous to the detriment of the soul standing there.
Everything becomes about saving energy. Let the dishes pile up, I haven’t energy to do them. Let the hoovering become essential after 2 weeks, I haven’t the energy to do that. Let the groceries become unpurchased, I haven’t the energy to consider what we need or the energy to navigate the store or the energy to do something with the groceries to provide meals. Let the bed remain unmade, I haven’t the energy to make it. Let the clock declare snooze, I haven’t the energy to get up. Let the phone calls go unanswered, I haven’t the energy to speak or think.
All of these are considered with a resigned sigh which in and off itself depletes energy reserves further as you are now required to carry your own disappointment in yourself around with you and you don’t have the energy to do that. Leave the TV on this station, I haven’t the energy to change it or consider what I want. Leave the book unread, I haven’t the energy to turn the pages or pay attention.
Everything becomes about saving energy to keep you alive.
But, energy begets energy.
The more you move the more you want to move.
The idea of moving when you are in a funk makes a person cry. If the tears are not falling the person may have sunk a little further in to the having no energy zone and crying would take energy so they sacrifice even that connection with an outward emotion.
The role models for advocating increased activity are highly unrealistic, 4% body fat, freakily scary makeup’d individuals which invoke a sense of revulsion within the person who perceives they have to conserve energy so there is no point pointing to celebrities or gym addicts and saying “do what they do”, it is too extreme.
There comes a point where a person has to ask themselves, probably ask themselves many times, are they willing to risk spending their currency in hope of gaining more.
The question comes in many forms and is somewhat of a battle.
Considering a walk in the park, a person need to be prepared to find their walking shoes, find their warm coat, figure out how they’re getting to the park, ask themselves if they think they can make it round the park or a portion of the park once. They have to ensure that they’ve enough energy to be showered, hair and teeth brushed, and have energy to put on their shoes.
Weird, eh! Where the mental struggle isn’t “can I walk 1.5 miles” but “have I enough energy to put on my shoes” or “have I enough energy to walk upstairs and get my phone” when previous evidence points to the fact that you could run up and down the stairs 30 times if you wanted to.
Sounds ridiculous. But the mind in it’s panic will try to do whatever it takes to make a person not expend energy, to conserve what is on hand. Even while it is happening, the walker knows that it is happening.
The only thing I had found that works is being more belligerent than the obtrusive thoughts. A person can override any negative thought at any point. A person can defiantly decide to do something different than the doubts running through their head. Weird, I know. Soz!
A person can decide to do the dishes despite thinking they can’t, and do the hoovering and do the rubbish and beds and bathroom. Once the motion starts it is more difficult to convince the mind that the energy needs to be conserved because evidence points to that being a complete falsehood.
We get to save or spend our currency. We get to waste or invest our currency. It is our currency, it serves us, we do not serve it.
Recently I decided that a massive and monumental interruption was required, so I joined a karate class.
Despite my brain screaming I needed to be home every minute because I was a single mum, I did it anyway on the suspicion that it was lying to me. It was lying.
I’d studied karate as a child so was counting on some muscle memory – and was not disappointed.
The first class was a total beasting but I kept up better than someone who hadn’t exercised for 17 years, pretty much as good as everyone else, and excelled.
The second class was an intellectual challenge but I kept up and excelled.
The third class was a challenge to my expectations for the future but I kept up and excelled.
The benefit though isn’t in the karate class, that is just a conduit to results.
It is in the endorphins that course through the veins thereafter.
The sense of wellbeing lasts for days.
I am getting back in touch with the gracefulness that had been lost through these last 28 years as life became about surviving rather than thriving.
I was born to thrive.
I was born to spend the currency of energy until there is nothing and everything left on my last day on earth.
Motion begets wellness for me.
I intend to be in vigorous motion for the remainder of my days.
But first I have to get through tonight’s class. Hopefully my karate suit has arrived. YAY!