My First LDS Singles Event

A bumpy re-entry to the singles world but an adventure none the less.

So, now that I am officially single again I could start going to the Mormon singles events… wasn’t allowed before because it would have been a married woman in the dating scene which is FORBIDDEN (yep, capital letters).

I went to a Singles event and bumped in to a female acquaintance from when we were teens.  She said “I recognised you from your smile”, how nice is that?!  We became acquainted again, it was lovely having someone to chat with and sit with, she is very lovely.  She has the etiquette of an angel and I was so pleased she was there.

HOWEVER, single people sometimes become gross.  Gender non specific.  The men and the women!  They may have spent too much time by themselves to worry about being polite and then it becomes a hard habit to break when suddenly in company.

They can at the dinner table and when chatting be burpy, sniffy, snorty, snargly froggy sniffs, belchy, cannot eat food in polite company-y without slumping, shovelling, lip smacking, mouth open eating and scooping.

If I ever get like that, please groupon me an etiquette class! Breathing and being human is fine, clearing your throat is fine, having the snuffles is fine, just some of these folks have been in their own company far too long and forgotten how to sit in polite or impolite company!  It was an eye opener.  I was shocked.  I have a relaxed etiquette style and wasn’t expecting silver service but I was shocked.

That being said, next time I might skip the lunch and go straight for the fireside as I learned much and enjoyed getting to know my fellow in the same boat shipmates.  I wouldn’t let table etiquette put me off attending again but next time I will feel more prepared for what I may encounter.  Wish me luck!

Alluring fine figure of a woman

So I have a week without the munchkin as she goes camping for a week with the other Young Women from the church youth group and other youth groups in this area.  Historically I have scheduled this annual week, my only week) to the rafters and been out dancing and seeing buddies or working on huge projects around the house.  One year I took a few days to decorate Missy’s room.  Another year it took me two days to dig out all the trash from her room.  Swings and roundabouts.  Other years I have done gardening or garage projects or donated time to a valuable cause or two.

This year, her room is tidy and just needs a bit of a go round with the vacuum cleaner.  It is decorated already.  I have two blinds to install, one on the stairwell and one in the spare room so that the neighbours don’t continually get a shock as I am not particularly careful about being robed in our own home and sometimes nosey people cop an eyeful.

But this time I am tired.  I am also superbly alluring as in the past couple of weeks I have broken out in blisters all along my legs and now on my eyes.  So the probability of dating is off the cards right now until this calms down.

Either I have used a product which doesn’t agree with me – there are a couple of candidates – or I need to nap, lots.  I’m going to go with the napping option I think.  I have Netflix, takeaway menu’s, healthy fridge food and the ability to mimic a sloth when required.  I think I’m set.

Apart from now I’m thinking about that grout in the bathroom and how I don’t like it and how I have time to sort it out now.  And the garden needs mowing.  The hedges need taking down a few feet in the back garden, the shed # 2 needs a weathertight roof.  And the floor in the living room could do with a sand and varnish.  And the hallway needs painting, and the ironing needs to be put away, and I need to do some paperwork.  And I could do with getting all the tools back to the shed.  And I haven’t investigated the loft yet apart from sticking my head up there and saying “Huh, that looks pretty full”, and I have to go over some quotes for driveway stuff.

Otherwise though, I think I will get a bit of a nap schedule going.  Hopefully.

 

 

Divorce, why not just Single?

Why on forms for absolutely anything do I have to keep saying divorced instead of single (again)?

Phew, the Decree Absolute arrived which to those who haven’t had this experience means that the divorce is finalised.  I am now a single lady again.  I think I’ll set up kissing booths at all the town shows locally, I’ll perhaps dance on a table or two, and/or perhaps settle back and read a book.  I wish I could rest for a while but the kid was supposed to mow the lawn each week and it hasn’t been done for a month so I ended up mowing that on top of all the other jobs around the house.  The new marital status is a tad discombobulating but satisfying none the less.  I’m going to let this new status sink in for a while.

What I don’t understand is why on forms for quotes for car, house, life insurance or any form in general, there is a section where it asks your name and then asks your matrimonial status, are you married, cohabiting, separated, divorced, single.

Do I for the rest of my life have to keep ticking divorced?  Why not single?  What difference does it make to my risk factors and driving history?  What difference does it make to my life insurance?  Why do I have to keep being reminded of all that went on each time I fill in a form?  How does it affect premiums?  How does it validate or invalidate the information provided?  What stinking difference does it make?  If you have any insight into this matter, please share.

 

How do you get over homelessness?

How does a person previously made blamelessly homeless start a new future without fear of being homeless again?

Ok, I have a question and I am genuinely looking for ideas.

With everything which happened my daughter and I were effectively made homeless overnight when we hadn’t missed a payment or damaged anything.  I was married, I thought we were somewhat ok enough, I loved him very much and I thought we had a stable home. But then everything happened and all that was removed.  I had to quickly find rentals for me and the child.  I have a pretty decent job so even though we’d been kept short of money by Mister and had no savings, the promise of a paypacket was enough to tide us over.  We found a place to stay, and then a different place a few months later and then have rented round and about over the last four years since that time.

But, I’m moving into a purchased home this spring and never want to ever be made homeless or be put in a housing-vulnerable situation again after romantic altercations.

I’ve started dating, have entered the dating scene, it’s fun, sometimes a bit meh but thinking ahead I don’t know how to feel secure or happy or safe in a future dated spouse or partner (cos I’m a fine catch!!!) making us homeless again in the future.  I was with my husband since I was 19, we split when I was 42, that’s a lot of years to think you are happy enough and house secure.

How has anyone trusted anyone again after homelessness?

How does that work, what are the mechanics?  How does a person make their future self safe from such a danger?

The idea of half-half responsibility leaves me cold with fear… what if we separated and I had to start over yet again with only half.

The idea of having my own home and someone move in when the time is right leaves me cold with fear… again, they could make a claim against the house.

Let’s be clear, it is a little house in an ok neighbourhood, it is not fancy.  But it will be safe and it will be mine and so long as I let not even a visitor in nobody could take my safety from me again. (I will let in visitors, obviously!)

But how does one make appropriate plans for a future that isn’t here yet?

 

First Date

So, I said I would do it and I did. I haven’t lost heart yet but have decided to date again as opportunity arises. Met a chap today for a beverage at my favourite local venue.  He was CDOF which is a shipping term for clean, dry and odour free so that was a promising start. He chatted for 2 hours straight and I had the chance to chat for 6 minutes. Scottish people talk a lot. I think he was either blinkered, slightly arrogant or lonely… I am not sure which but probably the latter but his stories were funny and interesting so it was fine. Prior to the date there were no tummy butterflies. At the end of the date he asked to go out again. During his chat we learn he was in the same regiment as my ex, and is a HGV driver like my dad so internally I pulled a face because of my issues, nowt to do with what he was saying. 

What we learn from this experience is that it is nice to get out, you can have a nice afternoon with someone even though you don’t fancy them, that having people in the nicest possible sense to practice dating on without consequences (how to chat and not snarl or make people cry) is officially a good thing, that getting spruced up and is easy and fun and that people sometime wanting to see you again is somewhat flattering. 

If other dates occur I will keep you apprised.  If you know anyone nice, handsome, preferably LDS, and willing to go on blind dates then set us up 🙂 

Dating, make the invitation Guys!

Have men become lazy or lost their confidence?  I am chatting with a couple of folks who have asked about my relationship status, have shared some info about themselves, have shared that they want to carry on talking, have shared some of their interests and aspirations and there has been reciprocation from my side.  They haven’t made an invitation to go out.  They’re twits!

Here’s how it needs to go to get anywhere, folks.

  1. Notice someone you like
  2. Pay them some positive and non creepy attention
  3. Invite them to something
  4. Review whether you like them

It is not rocket science, it is a basic commitment pattern.  Muster up some gumption, shake off the apathy, ask.

Not re-inventing the wheel here.  Humans have been doing this in some form for a million years.  This is basic hunter/gatherer stuff.  It is likely encoded into our DNA.  Best outcome someone says yes, worst they say no thank you.  Nobody perished.  Boys, start asking.  Girls, don’t be mares.

If your thing is same gender attraction in any variation, someone ask, someone say yes.