How does a person previously made blamelessly homeless start a new future without fear of being homeless again?
Ok, I have a question and I am genuinely looking for ideas.
With everything which happened my daughter and I were effectively made homeless overnight when we hadn’t missed a payment or damaged anything. I was married, I thought we were somewhat ok enough, I loved him very much and I thought we had a stable home. But then everything happened and all that was removed. I had to quickly find rentals for me and the child. I have a pretty decent job so even though we’d been kept short of money by Mister and had no savings, the promise of a paypacket was enough to tide us over. We found a place to stay, and then a different place a few months later and then have rented round and about over the last four years since that time.
But, I’m moving into a purchased home this spring and never want to ever be made homeless or be put in a housing-vulnerable situation again after romantic altercations.
I’ve started dating, have entered the dating scene, it’s fun, sometimes a bit meh but thinking ahead I don’t know how to feel secure or happy or safe in a future dated spouse or partner (cos I’m a fine catch!!!) making us homeless again in the future. I was with my husband since I was 19, we split when I was 42, that’s a lot of years to think you are happy enough and house secure.
How has anyone trusted anyone again after homelessness?
How does that work, what are the mechanics? How does a person make their future self safe from such a danger?
The idea of half-half responsibility leaves me cold with fear… what if we separated and I had to start over yet again with only half.
The idea of having my own home and someone move in when the time is right leaves me cold with fear… again, they could make a claim against the house.
Let’s be clear, it is a little house in an ok neighbourhood, it is not fancy. But it will be safe and it will be mine and so long as I let not even a visitor in nobody could take my safety from me again. (I will let in visitors, obviously!)
But how does one make appropriate plans for a future that isn’t here yet?
So, I said I would do it and I did. I haven’t lost heart yet but have decided to date again as opportunity arises. Met a chap today for a beverage at my favourite local venue. He was CDOF which is a shipping term for clean, dry and odour free so that was a promising start. He chatted for 2 hours straight and I had the chance to chat for 6 minutes. Scottish people talk a lot. I think he was either blinkered, slightly arrogant or lonely… I am not sure which but probably the latter but his stories were funny and interesting so it was fine. Prior to the date there were no tummy butterflies. At the end of the date he asked to go out again. During his chat we learn he was in the same regiment as my ex, and is a HGV driver like my dad so internally I pulled a face because of my issues, nowt to do with what he was saying.
What we learn from this experience is that it is nice to get out, you can have a nice afternoon with someone even though you don’t fancy them, that having people in the nicest possible sense to practice dating on without consequences (how to chat and not snarl or make people cry) is officially a good thing, that getting spruced up and is easy and fun and that people sometime wanting to see you again is somewhat flattering.
If other dates occur I will keep you apprised. If you know anyone nice, handsome, preferably LDS, and willing to go on blind dates then set us up 🙂
Have men become lazy or lost their confidence? I am chatting with a couple of folks who have asked about my relationship status, have shared some info about themselves, have shared that they want to carry on talking, have shared some of their interests and aspirations and there has been reciprocation from my side. They haven’t made an invitation to go out. They’re twits!
Here’s how it needs to go to get anywhere, folks.
- Notice someone you like
- Pay them some positive and non creepy attention
- Invite them to something
- Review whether you like them
It is not rocket science, it is a basic commitment pattern. Muster up some gumption, shake off the apathy, ask.
Not re-inventing the wheel here. Humans have been doing this in some form for a million years. This is basic hunter/gatherer stuff. It is likely encoded into our DNA. Best outcome someone says yes, worst they say no thank you. Nobody perished. Boys, start asking. Girls, don’t be mares.
If your thing is same gender attraction in any variation, someone ask, someone say yes.