Redundancy or not? That is the question.

I may or may not have Christmas off but people keep telling me to wait and see. I dislike.

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For the love of Sundays!!  I dislike not knowing, if I know there is something I need to know and I don’t know, I dislike that feeling.  I can deal with almost anything so long as I know.  Right now, the place I work is going through a restructure.  Restructures are necessary.  The company I work for is very profitable in a hard working, won every penny way.  It’s a $2bn company set up 80 years ago by two people in London.  It deserves continued success.  Waiting for news is unpleasant.  It would be even more unpleasant if the income protection insurance I purchased a year and a half ago wasn’t (hopefully) in place.  The insurance (hopefully) gives me a degree of solace.  Waiting for the shoe to fall is not a hoot, it is not easy or comfortable.

I have mentally made plans for if my number is up.  I just really would like to know.  Having November and December off would be welcome.  I have not had a happy time off work between jobs since I was 12 years old.  I could finish tidying and decorating the house, build a shed, re-train in a new industry, have a loft ladder installed, sell all the bits of tools and electronics cluttering up the place, and start a little side business which hopefully would set me up for a comfy-ish retirement in 20 years.  There’s a lot to do.  I just really would like to know.  I know the news will arrive when it arrives and that nothing I do in the meantime will change that.  It is a frustrating situation for everybody concerned.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If you knew, what would you do?

What would you do differently if you had a confidence it’d all be ok in the end?

If you knew it would all work out, what would you do?  What different decisions would you make if you knew that even though life is sometimes difficult, it’d all work out to your benefit?  What would you do differently?  There is no promise of your decision being easy or pain free, life is often messy and difficult, there is no promise that other people would forget, but how would things differ if you knew you would be ok at the end of it all?  How would your life look if you knew that all these experiences would benefit you and be for your good?  Another question: how many times have things worked out ok so far?  How different is your life from any original thought and how much have you learned because of your experiences thus far?

Good Better Best

I heard music to an LDS Mama’s ears…

I was at a theme park with my teen and it gave us 9 hours straight to chat about everything and nothing while walking around and enjoying the rides.  The topic turned to choices and some very big yet positive changes which had happened in our lives recently to do with education and work.  Then I heard music to an LDS Mama’s ears, Continue reading “Good Better Best”

She Grew Up

School is so much more than Maths and English.

Big changes, leaps and bounds, in the Casa Blanca.  They Whyte House is abuzz with change.  We can barely utter a sentence without change occurring at the moment.  The girl grew up.  GCSE exam results were returned to the students this last week, choices were made regarding future educational establishments, interviews were held, shuffle up days are happening right now as we speak.

The kid did good with her results.  My first inkling that the kid did good was when I took her in the car to collect her results from school and waited in the car park while she went in.  A few minutes later I heard a shriek of joy from someone running across the yard brandishing a manila envelope screaming over and over “A-Star in English” which was improbable because, you know, dyslexia.  The young lady then stopped in her tracks to hug the school chaplain who just arrived and say thank you for her help, before sprinting again to get back to me.  Her school has a chaplain as it is a Church of England school.  They have their own chapel too.  It’s kind of nifty.

The rest of the results were great too, a good spread of great grades and everything she needed to get in to some of her preferred options.

Just as important as grades, she ended up enjoying the school experience.  She ended up with a wide and diverse group of friends.  She ended up attending parties and going into town to meet up for lunches or shopping, she ended up sleeping over and having sleep overs and parties.

This was a medical improbability.  This was a medical unlikelihood.

She has worked flipping hard to get to understand people and what values they hold and how they’re likely to respond in any given circumstance.  She’s worked hard to be a woman of her word that people could count on to be honest and kind but sure of herself.  She ended up working hard to comply with school expectations upon her with their implied requirements and shifting priorities and minor injustices which are normal occurrences in society.  It took it’s toll on her, it was taxing, demanding and relentless but she continued working hard.

This experience was a firm foundation upon which to build a happy and successful adulthood.  She leaves this school to attend the rival school in the next town over for the next two years.  It is with a little pathos that she forsakes spending hours a day with the people she has become accustomed to and who she loves.  But this experience has proven to be a firm foundation.  She’s learned how to socialise into a group and how to let her quirkiness and quick mind shine as a beneficial talent.

I don’t think I could have achieved what she has achieved socially, I don’t think I could have achieved what she achieved academically while concentrating on social skills.  I am in awe of her, but don’t tell her because she gets a little big headed sometimes!

Here’s to the future, and what a magnificent future it is shaping up to be.

Wasted Saturday

A wasted Saturday is a rare and glorious gift to ourself.

It seems that I am good in company at the moment, feeling genuinely cheerful and happy to be in social situations just chatting or dancing or listening to buddies, but am plunging in to worry and anxiety when alone when there is nowhere else to run from myself.  Feeling emotionally breathless is absolutely rubbish and I recommend it to nobody at all, not even my worst enemies.  So, Saturday my daughter and I took a day off of everything, absolutely everything.

When I’d awoken before dawn I realised that I could afford to get a bad day out of my system as I wasn’t required to be anywhere particular this weekend apart from Sunday Services.  I had a two A4 page of Honey-Do’s I’d written for myself, each line being a tiresome project which needed completing in the house preferably before winter falls. And I couldn’t face it.  I was close to tears, on a Saturday! What a waste of tears.  I determined I was not going to cry on my own time!  Instead, I was going to be still.  I was going to ignore the day as long as I could.

My teen padded in to my untidy room around midday and flopped on the bed.  We conspired together that we deserved a complete day off having run ourselves ragged for years.  It was exciting to be in this together.  We chatted a while about books we were reading on Audio because we’re both a little dyslexic and I’d rather listen to a book than struggle with text and so would she.  We’re both perfectly capable of reading but sometimes for recreation we just have someone read the darned book to us.  It feels like cheating but what is the point of technology if you can’t use it to enhance your experience of literature and make available that which you wouldn’t have tackled without the electronic intercedent.

After a while she padded off again and I settled in for more breathing.  Breathing is something I’ve taken for granted all these years but of late my glorious mind keeps trying to trick me that there is insufficient oxygen in the atmosphere.  Stupid glorious mind…

So, I lay there in my unmade bed and breathed.  Then when I’d done that for an hour or so I took a nap, then listened to a show and then breathed again.

I was roused only by the offspring’s enquiry as to what was for dinner.  Without said offspring I would gladly have spent all the hours until the next day in my room, but I’m contracted to care for the kid so up we got and a dinner of beef burgers and pasta was rustled.  Then, relocated to the living room, I sat and breathed some more until I realised it was now 2am and I really should go to my untidy room to breathe.  Brushed my teeth and toddled off to my chamber for some more breathing.

Is it me, or did somebody really turn down the oxygen supply in the atmosphere?  Asking for a friend.

2hrs 15 minutes

I turn over and look at the clock. I turn back and avoid the clock.

2hrs 15 minutes is the average time I’ve been spending in bed in the mornings, awake, trying to gee myself up to be enthusiastic about the day and everything I should have completed the day before which carries over to today and how todays actions are piling up too, compounding the problem.  Waking before the alarm is not something to which I am accustomed.  Laying there staring at the pillow beside me until the very last second is not something I want to make a permanent part of my life.  I sigh.  I turn over and look at the clock.  I turn back and avoid the clock.  I just breathe and try not to think.  I am well slept but weary.  The weariness never abates.  It’ll get better.

Autism, A Digital Brain in an Analogue World

What if a few aspects of Autism were evolutionary leaps and trials? How cool would that be?!

Hypothesis:  Some aspects from various forms of Autism Spectrum Disorders might be humanity’s attempt at an evolutionary leap. 

In my family we hold the opinion that this might be a possibility.  We’ve been mulling the theory round in our minds for a few years and looking for examples to support or refute the suggestion.

 In evolution, Mother Nature for wont of a better description, throws out a variation, a new thing, a “let’s see what happens if I …” in an attempt to gain advantage for subsequent generations and adapt to the environment.  If the adaptation is useful, and if the adaptee can find a mate and let their offspring inherit this new adaptation, it is determined to be a successful adaptation.   

We are familiar with the monkey to man with spear pictogram explaining evolution.  

The monkey adapted, found a mate, the adaptation became widespread and with many proto-human evolutionary lines dying out but others succeeding here we stand today before you as ancestors of that creature who thought to themselves:

“hang on a minute, I can stand up and I think I’ve just invented indoor fire, that’s going to make proteins more palatable and easier to digest which will speed up the incremental development of my brain compared to these other forest and savannah dwelling animals thus giving me advantage in the food chain, I think I’ll invent a spear now, hold my fruit”. 

In our small group, we are collecting examples to see if the quirks and idiosyncrasies of people we meet, some of whom are blessed to be on the spectrum, help or hinder them in this new digital era.  

A person close to me who is diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome describes their situation like having a digital brain in an analogue world.

In the digital world there are absolutes, yes no, on off, right wrong.  Modern Computers are digital.

In the analogue world there are variations, perhaps maybe, gradients instead of absolutes.  Long wave radios are analogue.

 The person I was speaking with explained that they can cope with absolutes but ambiguity drives them to distraction even though they pass for Neuro-Typical on any given day.

This same person can be listening to music, reading a book and watching a show on their device while simultaneously taking a walk outside with no aspect of confusion evident.

This person is a “data in” person, craving more and more information, faster and faster and at a more and more complex level until their need to master an understanding of a topic is sated.

It is fascinating to watch. 

I am more of a feelings and gut instinct person.  I gather a few bits of information until I start to see a picture, test the water with an idea then make a decision. 

The two ways of being are not very compatible to say the least!

 Each time we come across someone who might be blessed to be on the spectrum we notice what they are good at, what are their talents, how do they prefer to communicate.

The idea that portions or parts of ASD might be an attempt at an evolutionary leap is gaining traction in our thought process.  We see so many people with natural talents beyond non-spectrum folks natural abilities. 

It is difficult to gauge how many people as a percentage of the population have had ASD’s through the generations of humanity so comparing numbers is ineffective as the opportunity to receive a diagnosis is more prevalent nowadays.  Viewing some aspects of ASD as a positive puts a new perspective in to the frame.  It gives us an opportunity to see the good rather than the difficulty.  It gives us an opportunity to count our blessings and be pleased that we might be part of something bigger than ourselves.  Suddenly, digital is cool.