2hrs 15 minutes

I turn over and look at the clock. I turn back and avoid the clock.

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2hrs 15 minutes is the average time I’ve been spending in bed in the mornings, awake, trying to gee myself up to be enthusiastic about the day and everything I should have completed the day before which carries over to today and how todays actions are piling up too, compounding the problem.  Waking before the alarm is not something to which I am accustomed.  Laying there staring at the pillow beside me until the very last second is not something I want to make a permanent part of my life.  I sigh.  I turn over and look at the clock.  I turn back and avoid the clock.  I just breathe and try not to think.  I am well slept but weary.  The weariness never abates.  It’ll get better.

Insomniac Teens

Missy has been an insomniac since birth.  She rarely slept more than a couple of hours a night, screamed the place down for the remaining time and would only be consoled by being cradled.  I have clear recollections of cradling her still wide awake at 3am knowing I had to be up for work at 6am.  But at least with baby insomnia you know where they are and in what condition.

Teen insomnia… ughhh.

The teen will hardly think anything of playing music on her guitar, taking showers, blowdrying her long locks, tidying her room, generally pootling around until the wee small hours.

The teen does not appreciate how thin the walls are nor how lightly parents sleep.

I think I need to revisit the chat about “If you are awake, it doesn’t matter, just stay in your bed until it is time to get up.  I don’t mind if you read, I don’t mind if you compose music on paper and imagine how it will sound when you can play it in the morning, I don’t care if you count sheep, just stay in your bed and stay quiet”.

When one person in the house has insomnia, the others do too vicariously and it is just unfair and a cruel and unusual punishment.

Babies are supposed to be hard work getting in to a routine in the first 3 months, it should not carry on for more than 16 years.

Insomnia is frequently found in people who are worried (about exams?) and people who are on the Spectrum.

I obviously love her very much and love having a 16 year old in the house, but after nights like last night and the preceding nights which compounded the problem, I am beginning to look forward to University in 2 years.  Perhaps then I’ll learn to sleep undisturbed right through the night again.

I.  NEED.  SLEEP.

It is more difficult to be cheerful when you woke 8 times in the night (yes, I counted, what of it!).  It is more difficult to feel healthy and energetic.  It is more difficult to make good food choices as the body’s instincts will start to demand calorie heavy vitamin light foods to sustain the energy levels of a person through the day.  It is more difficult to be nice to people just because people deserve being nice to… nobody wants to tiptoe around a crankypants in the office.

So, Child, Sleep or Be Quiet!

I can fake it for a day, two at a push, but I am out of fakes and out of patience.  Please sleep.